It has been a year since the pandemic began. We have gone through lockdowns, quarantines, and an endless fear of contracting a deadly virus. It was only today that it truly hit home. Now I can truly understand the gravity and the transformative experience this represents for the world and for my own life.
It’s hard enough to see your loved ones sick, in pain, and isolated. But it gets even worse when you are far away. Like many immigrants, my parents live in my home country, which is Brazil. The virus has been particularly severe there, and from the beginning, I was worried about them. Due to travel restrictions and the fear of bringing the virus back to them, I haven’t been there for over a year.
It was only now, when the vaccine finally became available, that my parents fell ill, both at the same time. While my mother is recovering at home, my father was taken to the hospital to receive oxygen and avoid further complications.
I thought we were finally getting through this, and now here I am.
My worst fear is that I won’t be there for them in their time of need.
I think when something like this happens to you, it’s when you start to question whether living far from home is the best option. When you decide to move, you leave behind everything you know: your family, your friends, your home. And even if you try to prepare, there’s always an adjustment process. The new culture, values, friends. No matter how ready you think you are, I assure you there’s no easy path.
And then you miss home. You miss the flavors, smells, your social life, and the comfort of being in an environment you know very well.
Being an immigrant has always been difficult. Although I moved under privileged circumstances because I had a visa, home, and a job, life in the U.S. was far from the “American Dream” I once imagined.
My husband and I were trying to balance two broken families together, and we were nowhere near becoming the Brady Bunch. The kids were upset, no one was ready to be a step-parent, and no child was ready to survive a divorce.
That said, we lived in a sophisticated suburban area in New York, where we quickly immersed our growing family in the American lifestyle.
As I explored my life in the States, I was trying to build everything anew. Sometimes I missed home, but I convinced myself that this was what I needed to do.
They say “home is where the heart is,” and now I feel like my heart is split in two. Part of me wants to keep my family here in the U.S. safe and healthy, and the other part desperately wants to return to Brazil with my parents.
So I feel powerless and confused. It’s a hard place to be, and if your family also lives far from you, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
All we can do is be as safe as possible and pray that our family and friends do the same. Wherever you are, keep your head up. We are almost through this.
And if you ask me if I regret moving away from the people I love… I will answer that I wish I had the answer. It’s hard to know if you haven’t lived it. Moving to a different country opened my mind to different possibilities, shaped me into a more tolerant person, and taught me to be resilient. Sometimes we need to fly far away, but that doesn’t mean we will forget who we are and leave the people we love behind.
Yes, it has been painful, and I am taking it one day at a time.
ILANA LIPSZTEIN
Journalist & Entrepreneur
Instagram: @ilana_wip
ilevents2@aol.com