Most people grow up and build their identity based on what they cannot do. The amount of “no” they hear from childhood is so great that it becomes paralyzing. Thus, the brain (which should be a stage for creative and innovative manifestations) creates limitations so that the person can feel accepted in the environment we live in.
We live in an extremely critical society that does not tolerate mistakes, making us excessively self-critical. About 95% of people maintain a “negative conversation” with themselves, conditioning their brains to think more about what they DO NOT want than about what they desire.
It is known that the main references of a person are established during childhood, up to 7 years of age. In this phase, called “absorption,” we react to external stimuli like a sponge, simply absorbing them. This is the phase in 
which we learn the most and perpetuate such knowledge in our personality.
A study conducted in the United States revealed that children, up to 8 years old, receive about one hundred thousand “nos.” It may seem like an absurd number, but it is real. The study also revealed that the children surveyed received, on average, one compliment for every nine reprimands. Furthermore, researchers found that to negate the negative effects of a reprimand, at least seven compliments are needed.
There is an equation regarding the influence of “no” in people’s lives, and I will present it to you: The number of “nos” that people have been subjected to, added to how they have assimilated them and the type of sensitivity of each one, accounts for the amount of self-esteem they have today.
Currently, people have stopped thinking about what they want, but they can relate everything they DO NOT want in their lives. The problem is that the word “no” provokes a paradoxical reaction in the brain, as it has no linguistic representation. When you read or hear the word “square,” for example, you immediately form a mental image of the geometric figure in question. And if I say to you, “Do not think of a square,” your brain disregards the “no” and continues to think of a square, registering only what comes after the “no,” that is: “think of a square!” That is why it is so important to make positive affirmations.
The other day, in one of my courses, a father told me that he is tired of asking his son not to fight with his sister, but he keeps fighting. I explained to this father that when the son hears “do not fight with your sister,” he disregards the “no” and only takes in what comes after: “fight with your sister.” I suggested that he start asking his son to be kind to his sister, as this way he would visualize the correct behavior, and his brain would gradually help him turn that image into reality.
This is the paradox of no: people always think about what they are asked not to think.
Our brain is programmed to meet our desires, but if we only think about what we do not want, we will hardly achieve success. To see the world differently, it is necessary to think positively and establish relationships with prosperous and well-adjusted people. Furthermore, it is essential to set positive goals. Goals stimulate us to move forward, but since no one likes to head towards negative things, if the goals are not positive, we will have no reason to try to achieve them. It is necessary to identify what makes us good and happy, as no one can find satisfaction in what you do not want.
DR. LAIR RIBEIRO
Cardiologist, speaker
www.lairribeiro.com.br
lrsintonia@terra.com.br